not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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