how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
