dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
