Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize