The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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