i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was CRYING into my vagina
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
