Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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