If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
