Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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