if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
