he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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