We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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