Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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