I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
