I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
