The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
