he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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