Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
