i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
