Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
