dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Randomize
