my soul wont recognize me after tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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