**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
