____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
