Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
