i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize