How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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