He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
