Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
