You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
