is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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