So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
