he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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