Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
