He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
