I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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