I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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