i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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