he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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