Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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