you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
