I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Michael Bay diarrhea
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
