he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
