he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
