oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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