dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
