I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
