I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
