so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
