I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
