You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
