I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
